Our Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are back, and I am ready for them! Let us catch up with our ladies and see how they can get some “Fresh Powder and a Fresh Start.” Grab a shovel and let’s start digging, shall we?
We start off outside of Heather’s room in a home in Bermuda on May 10, 2023, and she is saying, “How could she do this to us?” She refuses to let the cameras film her while on her phone, and I hope it is not another black eye story — with no story. The ladies then are all introduced with a bible scripture, which is a bit of a cool touch for this cast. Heather then ominously tells someone, “You cannot talk your way out of this!” Meredith summarily dismisses someone, and her face moves as she says it. Let’s now go back in time…
Lisa, aka the Sundance Queen, is planning a party since she is the party planner extraordinaire. Long-suffering John, who is in desperate need of earplugs, picks Lisa up, and he must listen to Lisa complain about how hard she is working. Lisa acts like she wants to be super present with her kids, but she keeps signing up for more jobs. She shares that her son Jack wants to go on a religious mission instead of college. Jack admitted he decided this a year ago but just told them now since they are different than him and do not understand him.
Heather has purchased a new home. which is 7,900 square feet and boasts seven bedrooms and six baths. She is out shoveling her driveway in high-heeled boots, which look rather dangerous and ridiculous at the same time. Heather has plans to block out the haters and has to do damage control because of her relationship with Jen Shah. She is now an NYT Best Seller (So is Teresa Giudice, which makes it less significant) with Bad Mormon. Heather has also opened another location of her Beauty Lab.
Meredith, who looks gorgeous in her confessional, comes over, and Heather tries to recruit her for this manual labor. She wants no part of something you hire people for, and she is more of an ice-pick kind of girl. That is one of the things I like about Meredith: She knows who she is and owns it — bathtubs and ice picks, but hopefully not at the same time.
Heather shares that she and Whitney are still not copasetic, but they are trying to rebuild their friendship and trust with each other. Meredith channels Whitney’s baby voice and mentions she is not happy with Whitney, who has shamed her for bathing with her husband and deems it to be creepy. She feels like she has been accused of being a dirty girl and bathing in a lot of DNA. Meredith tells Heather that Whitney needs to clean up her hot tub full of bodily fluids before judging her bathing habits.
Mary comes to Meredith’s store, so she is really back and only has a friendship with Mer. She shares that Robert Jr. might have a wife, but she is not sure even though they live in the same house. Mary asks Meredith what she thinks of Jen, and she has not spoken to her since she went to prison. She thinks Jen got her karma, but Jen might think she did too with her issue with “eat spicy — sh*t spicy.”
Angie is meeting up with the new housewife Monica, who used to work for Jen. Lisa joins them, and she thinks Monica looks like a totally different person since she was a fair-skinned blonde and is now a brunette. Monica mentions that Jen wanted her to put something in her name, and she called a friend in the Secret Service who warned her to not do it. She was a witness in the federal trial, which made me sit right up since she knows where Jen’s bodies are buried. Monica has four daughters, and the youngest is five years old. She would have the task of taking the phone from Jen to listen to Lisa drone on endlessly. Monica, in her ITM, is shading Lisa and all the other women with their fake fabulous lives. Side note: These three seem to be the most parched and the fake greetings were ridiculous.
Heather is setting up her Fresh Start Party. She has planned for them to be able to throw big snowballs at each other to get out their aggression. Mary and Meredith arrive together, and Whitney looks concerned. Monica is getting introduced to the other ladies, but Heather remembers she is the one who made the accusation that she and Jen were playing “Barbie sexy scissor kicks” together. Lisa shares the nasty text from Mary where she decimates her. Mary texted Lisa that she was trying to kill people with her tequila and called her a lying witch. Side note: Mary is a controversial character, but she has got some witty quips.
Heather wants everyone to let everything go and have a fresh start. Mary asks Heather if she is still tight with Jen, and she kind of blows her off. Heather acts like it was everyone else’s perception they were best friends, but we ALL saw her firmly implanted in Jen’s rectum for multiple seasons. She thinks there was a weight lifted, not that she has emerged from Jen’s a*s, and she can now see the light.
Meredith pulls Lisa aside and asks her to have a private conversation without the rest of the girls. Lisa is amenable to this, and she thinks Meredith has a lot to miss — since she is the amazing Lisa Barlow. Monica asks who has read Heather’s book, and we hear crickets since this cast all went to her book cover party and no one has even read it.
Meredith confronts Whitney about accusing her of taking ketamine and shaming her bathing ritual with Seth. I am unclear if the accusation is in unison. In her ITM, Whitney slams Meredith and says that she lives in vacation rentals and acknowledges that she must have a good housekeeper. Production backs up her assertion showing different homes for Mer each season. Meredith wants to know if Whitney got paint in her vagina when she had a sexy painting scene with Justin. They then volley back and forth while losing brain cells over this stupid conversation.
Heather decides it is now a good time to allow these ladies to hurl snowballs at each other to get out their aggression. Mary, of course, refuses to participate in this activity and watches them like they are a bunch of circus animals. Angie — without the K. anymore — and Monica are now rolling around in the snow after pelting each other. Meredith and Lisa are rolling around but making sure they do not mess up each other’s hair. Can this franchise move on without a pivotal and very controversial character like Jen? I think this verse is appropriate: “The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger (Job 17:9).”
Next week, Mary delivers some zingers. Whitney: “Wake up, Bobblehead.” Lisa: “Do you have a mute button?” Heather: “You look inbred.” This is my first time covering RHOSLC, and I am looking forward to this season after recapping RHOA. Have a wonderful Wednesday, Blurbers, and see you for the final episode of Atlanta on Sunday!
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